Once I’d finished my makeup I felt a little more like myself and ready to defend me dignity if necessary. I was still naked, which made me pretty unhappy, especially in front of a fully dressed stranger with a whip….. How could I keep some kind of control over the situation? How could I win? Then he was back, interrupting my thoughts and demanding, in a way that I found offensive, that I show him the clothes I’d brought. He selected a short red dress (my favourite, I couldn’t fault his taste) but refused to allow me to wear any panties. Somehow being clothed but without underwear only served to make me feel more vulnerable, but made up, and at least fairly covered (if I moved carefully, which I intended to do) I let myself hope that maybe we were moving into a new, more civilised period of this strange relationship.
When he offered me lunch, though, I felt suspicious. My hands were cuffed behind my back and I was kneeling on the floor. This was no way to eat a meal! My grim suspicions were immediately confirmed when he put some fruit in what looked ominously like a bowl and, without untying my wrists, proceeded to try to feed me by hand! It was too much, humiliation overwhelmed me and I refused. How I wish I could have thrown it at him, how could he expect me to let him feed me after all the stuff he’d done? Without a word, he dumped the bowl in front of me, turned away, and began eating his own lunch. Of course, my first thought was to ignore the food in front of me. I couldn’t eat like this, it was dehumanizing, and what’s more, it would look as though I was accepting this ludicrous, lowly position. And I was not! But then….. what if he didn’t feed me all weekend? Though he’d hardly spoken so far, I’d already gathered the impression of an unbending and possibly actually sadistic man who might not have any objection to keeping me hungry for the next day and night. While playing around with my boyfriend, the idea of relinquishing my power and responsibility for a while was kind of fun, and certainly sexy, but this – this was a world I didn’t understand, the rules eluded me, and the man who’d taken charge of me was, frankly, scary…..
What followed was a fiasco which will embarrass me every time I think of it. I tried picking up the fruit with my bound hands. But it was difficult, and I felt ashamed of being seen to be struggling. I gave up, and reconsidered. Then I asked for a juice, hoping this would make him to give me a glass and unbind me. He merely poured tap water into the bowl with my fruit and dumped it back down on the floor. I maneuvered the bowl onto a stool so that at least I wouldn’t have to assume a stupid, shaming, grovelling position in order to eat. But still it was impossible to retain any dignity – I gave up and knelt there, furiously, until he left the room.
"Thank heavens!" I tried to get to the sink – from the tap seemed an infinitely preferable option, but, with what seemed to be his own ominous magic, he was back before I managed to even turn the taps… Without even bothering to speak, he used the whip on my again…
Though bending to his will was awful, for the time being I simply didn’t have any fight left in me. Leaning over the stool, I began eating directly from the bowl, wishing I could be anywhere but here. Water went up my nose, dripped down my chin; and he watched the whole thing dispassionately, but with a degree of satisfaction that I found unbearable.
The lunchtime ordeal over, he then ordered me to re-touch my makeup, which had only got messed up because of him! I couldn’t bear to look at him, I was so angry and ashamed. And just when I was back to feeling like a human being he announced we had to go down to the dungeon again…. Why? In his opinion, it seemed that it was time to work of another dreaded "demerit". With leaden steps, I followed him down to the dungeon, desperately hoping for anything but a re-appearance of the cane….
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